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Jan 01, 2021 | 21:45
Were you able to fulfill your goals this year?
Frankly speaking, I always found it odd that one needs a "specific day" to start doing "specific things".
Humans lack terribly of motivation until they set up a schedule and scream "from now on if I want to be a better person I'll be doing that!", isn't it.
Not even two days after the bed seems a better place to be than working at the desk, "at least I can have a life of prosperity while it last..." hey...
It's been awful for everybody, but we're getting used to it, adaptation truly is the pinneacle of intelligence. So now, what do we do? As for me...
I wasn't able to do anything, no, I was lacking motivation, surestimating myself that I didn't feel the need to work, I would even say.
It's so pathetic, but it happens (do I need a specific day to start promising specific things? Surely).
I was never promising anything in the first place but... maybe I should...? this year I learned a bit more about myself through failures, in honesty and I'm maybe expecting too much as I'm still young,
but that would be too depressing if I cannot fulfill anything I want now that I feel "prepared".
It's not like I can push aside the pression of work, social live, even love... but when I was a kid I would read manga or play video games and think "these people must have sacrified a lot to be able to accomplish this!"
and since then I always wanted to be one of them, to create and inspire people even if I have to cast aside other important things (it sounds a little sad haha...).
Maybe I was never one of them from the very start and it was just a façade I made to make me think I'm cool or something... what's left is only: if I can find the courage to make everything to fulfill these goals this year.
If I don't? Well... I just never envisaged it, I feel very bold am I not (lol). (To be a better person is on the yearly list every year and I'm working on it endlessly (oy) )
Anyway... the rambling doesn't have to make sense... right... I allow you to laugh at me, but not for too long! I'm on my way to achieve my goals (first day is a success hehe).
Ok ok, I'm not expecting too much, and so do you (OY), but here's a little thing I tried: a few months ago I wrote a list of things I want to do daily (for exemple: sketching on paper or digitally, practice digi music or piano, more workouts or lenghty walks etc...) and a list of things I want to progressely do: being more careful about the position of my back, trying to appreciate myself more by taking care of me, stop touching my scars all the time etc...
These little victories that I achieved made the whole text a lie, I was able to fulfill some of my goals... and so do you, I'm sure of it. It may not be the big picture but I know there was some progress towards it too.
Oh but I'm greedy! I want to make one million illustrations a week and to compose masterpieces in two hours --> not happening. But I can do things I'm proud of at my rhythm, this I know I'm able. Not everybody can.
In. Any. Case. This year I want to make small projects real, and, to your surprise, be a better person in general (that should be everyone's goal!). I want to make people feel good emotions when they look at my work
in a bigger scale, I mean. So let's work harder... I need to sacrifice to make everything possible using my human willpower.
Uwaaaahhh I'm charging an energy ball for this diary's sake!!! To your honor reader!!! Happy new year!!! *explodes from too much energy ball*
Oct 19, 2020 | 20:58
house and other things
dogs names are from right to left: Luigi III, Luigi II, Luigi II(2) and Luigi le Prodigieux
there's also a horse not in the picture bc he cannot go through doors: Luigi le Puissant
Oct 16, 2020 | 19:06
Oct 06, 2020 | 12:12
Sep 17, 2020 | 14:15
who allowed you to be this big and cool (and to weigh 550 pounds)
Sep 06, 2020 | 17:12
sometimes you just want to draw 2003 anime girl and it's Not okay but i'll do it anyway
Sep 01, 2020 | 10:12
so much frustration this year, we're not done yet
Aug 5, 2020 | 20:22
when you don't know what to draw or worse, how to draw: may i have uuuuuuuhhh bad anime facing left please
Jul 17, 2020 | 21:47
whatever that means
Jun 22, 2020 | 11:16
mandarake order at last, cute doujinshi time
Mar 10, 2020 | 19:30
Please take a look.
Mar 2, 2020 | 12:22
Feb 25, 2020 | 17:15
I have underestimate the popularity of food importations.
So... they got mochi at the local store, huh? On a whim I bought some (red-bean and green tea). Hmm~ japanese sweets sure are something (on the back of the box it says "made in taiwan") Eh!? Oh well it's still good.
Jan 19, 2020 | 20:55
wanwan animation cel real
Jan 18, 2020 | 17:23
New era of 2020, added wide letters emotes, Mastodon posting has now peaked by 2000%
Dec 29, 2019 | 16:10
(Wait, this feels familiar lol) Any of your comments makes me want to work harder, Oda-san.
Dec 22, 2019 | 13:02
Try thinking about a random room, now. That's right, the first thing to come is... not a random room, but most likely your room, or your parents', or one you saw on the TV etc.
It's difficult to imagine a place on the fly without drawing it or thinking about placement of each furniture first.
They say when you dream, the faces you meet are ones you already saw at one point in your life, isn't it the same for places though?
Not necessary real places, can be from medias like video games (etc,), sometimes it's a mix or exagerations of multiple places I'm familiar with. I think it's the same formula for most people, isn't it.
Two days ago something was bothering me, I've had a dream but in a location I'm sure I never saw, but dreamt about once, many years ago.
With such a huge lapse of time between the two dreams, maybe I could have just forgot but my intuition isn't telling me so. My brain likes to trick me though, I remember a night I was watching this video which says one cannot read something twice in a dream, so the same night I tried to read a sign, look away, re-read the sign: something else was written everytime I turn my head... I don't trust that (lol).
In any case, the brain is full of mysteries, which is pretty exciting! I'm looking forward to the next dream featuring a place I never saw.
Dec 08, 2019 | 13:31
I think you can sense someone's personality very well depending on their reaction when they burp.
Usually most people just apologize: "Ah... sorry!" and make a confused face.
Personally here's how I react: *laughs out loud* "Eeeh this one was powerful wasn't it? It came from the bottom of my heart! Thank you for the delicious meal!"
...Yes, the personality of an idiot.
Nov 06, 2019 | 00:10
Another entry about dreams. If we assume I really didn't dream the 23rd of October that would mean I've had dreams every single night for a month minus one... how interesting.
For a year it felt like I was barely dreaming and now I dream every night for a month, I don't really know why though...
Anyway, the other day I said I was a lucid dreamer didn't I? It's still true to this day but... I noticed since I don't do nightmares anymore I 'lost' this ability (or I'd rather say, I can't summon the ability)
since I don't have the necessity to quickly wake up anymore. I also noticed it's been a while since last time I flied in a dream.
Flying as I wish feels so great, even though the context of the flights wasn't always nice (sweats). I miss doing that, so I tried concentrate before sleeping so I could fly, didn't worked yet but I'm not giving up.
Data of the dreams: out of around 30 dreams, only one was interesting/funny (3rd of Nov), its silliness/weirdness gave me inspiration too. I'm still a bit recluent about posting my dreams here,
even though it's clearly a place for that kind of stuff.
I have good memory when it comes to dreams that somehow inspire me (in some kind of way), but really I rely too much on that I should write all this stuff somewehere before I forget (laughs),
it just doesn't feel the same on paper compared to what's in my head... how unsatisfying.
Oct 30, 2019 | 11:23
At art exhibition, there's a bunch of paintings but they're all blurry for some (artistic) reason.
Mom is walking so fast I don't even have time to look at all of them.
In the middle of the small room she whispers to me "hah they're all just like higurashi backgrounds aren't they". She wasn't wrong lol.
Oct 23, 2019 | 11:13
I don't remember dreaming last night, thus the chain of dreams breaks... 12 dreams in a row! Too bad they were all uninteresting, sometimes I even had multiple dreams the same night so it's more than 12.
I think I was too pumped up for good musics I discovered to dream anyway (can one dream about music?).
Oct 18, 2019 | 11:53
Since I've been working on this website (7 days ago? wow), it's been taking 80% of what is on my mind, and I've had the funny experience of... dreaming every nights.
7 dreams in a row... it didn't happen in a looong time. The older I get the less I dream I think? The serie of dreams will probably continue, I wonder how many days it will last...
Obviously, the main theme of my dreams is the website (it's like hypnospace LOL), not that I'm dreaming OF the website, i'm just thinking about it and what I should do? I believe???
It's a bit blurry. When nothing special happens I forget quite quickly. All of my dreams are like a weird indie japanese game, I think I never had a 'normal' dream once (isn't that the purpose of a dream, to not be normal?)
I should use this diary to record the weird dreams I have, that could be interesting. I used to have only nightmares as a kid, now it's just plain weirdness, which is cool.
Actually, old memories of those nightmares (mainly between 2010 and 2017) are 100 times more interesting, I will try to write everthing I remember one day(not in this post), but because it's personal no one will find that any intriguing... Oh well
By the way, I'm born a lucid dreamer, so it wasn't that much of a problem to have so many nightmares.
This is funny; I enter the dream 'oh, this is not the real world but a dream, let's explore it since i can't die anyway', even if it gets freaky I know I'll be safe, but if something that might terrorize me happens I just go 'excuse me buddy let me pinch my cheek real quick' and I wake up before having to experience any kind of pain or traumatizing imagery.
Another data: I've had sleep paralysis once (or maybe twice but not as scary) when I was around 12-13yo? The worst is that I remember exactly what I saw and did (tried to do). Gosh, sleep paralysis truly is something you don't want to experience. The uncapacity to react to danger is terrifying, maybe I'll write an entry on that as well one day.
Oct 9, 2019 | 10:43
Usually when I concentrate very hard on what I should do when I wake up, I dream of waking up and getting myself prepared for whatever I need to do, it's kind of a reminder but instead of sticky notes it's a short dream.
I've had one of those today but it was slightly weirder than usual.
It's 7:15am and I'm tired, I want to sleep, my sister is making a heck of a noise. I decide I'll get up at 7:20. I concentrate very hard so my intern clock will wake me up at 7:20, as I don't want to be late for work.
I fall asleep and dream that I'm in my bed, staring at my clock as I usually do (it's an electronic clock with red neons), but I hear a banging noise, like plates bumping against each other. I think 'Oh It's my mom doing the dishes' 'But It could be my sister making noise too' '...Or something else'.
I wake up, it's 7:16, I hear the plates again, it's affecting my dreams, I still have time so I fall asleep again.
This time in my dreams I decide to get up and see downstares, my dad isn't there (probably showering), I want to see in the kitchen what is making all this fuss, the whole house has a threatening aura and it's so dark. I feel a presence.
I wake up, it's 7:18, I fall asleep.
This time my vision is distorted, the red neons of my clock move like I'm seeing triple. The noise is still there, I get up, and see some strange, skinny monsters (werewolves-like?) in the darkness, I say: 'There's powerful surnatural beings here'.
My vision is getting worse, but I say in the most natural way possible 'I'm Psychic too, I'll beat the crap out of them'. I walk very slowly and my door is facing west instead of north, like the monsters are challenging me or something. 'Shit, they're strong' I think.
I'm awake , it's 7:20, I get up and go downstairs and there's my mom in the kitchen doing the dishes, as I thought.
...Why the heck was I saying that with such confidence. I'm not psychic at all. Maybe if I train in my dreams I'll be psychic in real life? I don't want to exorcice the monsters though, I want to befriend them and ask them questions.
Jun 15, 2019 | 17:19
new era for projet103 (ft. the first doodle using this tablet lol)
Jun 01, 2019 | 14:27
finally, a place for me to live at peace.
Mar 18, 2019 | 16:04
Mar 06, 2019 | 23:07
unfortunately, it was decided that this image was too powerful and had to be scrapped from the final picture.
Oct 09, 2018 | 22:49
funny little guy, at last
Nov 26-Dec 31, 2017
esperamondo.net, featuring a village i helped building, my house (i share it with my furendo), this adorable little bastard chicken stealing a boat.
TOP PAGE
Were you able to fulfill your goals this year?
Frankly speaking, I always found it odd that one needs a "specific day" to start doing "specific things".
Humans lack terribly of motivation until they set up a schedule and scream "from now on if I want to be a better person I'll be doing that!", isn't it.
Not even two days after the bed seems a better place to be than working at the desk, "at least I can have a life of prosperity while it last..." hey...
It's been awful for everybody, but we're getting used to it, adaptation truly is the pinneacle of intelligence. So now, what do we do? As for me...
I wasn't able to do anything, no, I was lacking motivation, surestimating myself that I didn't feel the need to work, I would even say.
It's so pathetic, but it happens (do I need a specific day to start promising specific things? Surely).
I was never promising anything in the first place but... maybe I should...? this year I learned a bit more about myself through failures, in honesty and I'm maybe expecting too much as I'm still young,
but that would be too depressing if I cannot fulfill anything I want now that I feel "prepared".
It's not like I can push aside the pression of work, social live, even love... but when I was a kid I would read manga or play video games and think "these people must have sacrified a lot to be able to accomplish this!" and since then I always wanted to be one of them, to create and inspire people even if I have to cast aside other important things (it sounds a little sad haha...).
Maybe I was never one of them from the very start and it was just a façade I made to make me think I'm cool or something... what's left is only: if I can find the courage to make everything to fulfill these goals this year.
If I don't? Well... I just never envisaged it, I feel very bold am I not (lol). (To be a better person is on the yearly list every year and I'm working on it endlessly (oy) )
Anyway... the rambling doesn't have to make sense... right... I allow you to laugh at me, but not for too long! I'm on my way to achieve my goals (first day is a success hehe).
Ok ok, I'm not expecting too much, and so do you (OY), but here's a little thing I tried: a few months ago I wrote a list of things I want to do daily (for exemple: sketching on paper or digitally, practice digi music or piano, more workouts or lenghty walks etc...) and a list of things I want to progressely do: being more careful about the position of my back, trying to appreciate myself more by taking care of me, stop touching my scars all the time etc...
These little victories that I achieved made the whole text a lie, I was able to fulfill some of my goals... and so do you, I'm sure of it. It may not be the big picture but I know there was some progress towards it too.
Oh but I'm greedy! I want to make one million illustrations a week and to compose masterpieces in two hours --> not happening. But I can do things I'm proud of at my rhythm, this I know I'm able. Not everybody can.
In. Any. Case. This year I want to make small projects real, and, to your surprise, be a better person in general (that should be everyone's goal!). I want to make people feel good emotions when they look at my work
in a bigger scale, I mean. So let's work harder... I need to sacrifice to make everything possible using my human willpower.
Uwaaaahhh I'm charging an energy ball for this diary's sake!!! To your honor reader!!! Happy new year!!! *explodes from too much energy ball*
dogs names are from right to left: Luigi III, Luigi II, Luigi II(2) and Luigi le Prodigieux
there's also a horse not in the picture bc he cannot go through doors: Luigi le Puissant
sometimes you just want to draw 2003 anime girl and it's Not okay but i'll do it anyway
so much frustration this year, we're not done yet
I have underestimate the popularity of food importations.
So... they got mochi at the local store, huh? On a whim I bought some (red-bean and green tea). Hmm~ japanese sweets sure are something (on the back of the box it says "made in taiwan") Eh!? Oh well it's still good.
wanwan animation cel real
New era of 2020, added wide letters emotes, Mastodon posting has now peaked by 2000%
(Wait, this feels familiar lol) Any of your comments makes me want to work harder, Oda-san.
Try thinking about a random room, now. That's right, the first thing to come is... not a random room, but most likely your room, or your parents', or one you saw on the TV etc.
It's difficult to imagine a place on the fly without drawing it or thinking about placement of each furniture first.
They say when you dream, the faces you meet are ones you already saw at one point in your life, isn't it the same for places though?
Not necessary real places, can be from medias like video games (etc,), sometimes it's a mix or exagerations of multiple places I'm familiar with. I think it's the same formula for most people, isn't it.
Two days ago something was bothering me, I've had a dream but in a location I'm sure I never saw, but dreamt about once, many years ago.
With such a huge lapse of time between the two dreams, maybe I could have just forgot but my intuition isn't telling me so. My brain likes to trick me though, I remember a night I was watching this video which says one cannot read something twice in a dream, so the same night I tried to read a sign, look away, re-read the sign: something else was written everytime I turn my head... I don't trust that (lol).
In any case, the brain is full of mysteries, which is pretty exciting! I'm looking forward to the next dream featuring a place I never saw.
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Dec 08, 2019 | 13:31
I think you can sense someone's personality very well depending on their reaction when they burp. Usually most people just apologize: "Ah... sorry!" and make a confused face. Personally here's how I react: *laughs out loud* "Eeeh this one was powerful wasn't it? It came from the bottom of my heart! Thank you for the delicious meal!" ...Yes, the personality of an idiot. |
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Nov 06, 2019 | 00:10
Another entry about dreams. If we assume I really didn't dream the 23rd of October that would mean I've had dreams every single night for a month minus one... how interesting. For a year it felt like I was barely dreaming and now I dream every night for a month, I don't really know why though... Anyway, the other day I said I was a lucid dreamer didn't I? It's still true to this day but... I noticed since I don't do nightmares anymore I 'lost' this ability (or I'd rather say, I can't summon the ability) since I don't have the necessity to quickly wake up anymore. I also noticed it's been a while since last time I flied in a dream. Flying as I wish feels so great, even though the context of the flights wasn't always nice (sweats). I miss doing that, so I tried concentrate before sleeping so I could fly, didn't worked yet but I'm not giving up. Data of the dreams: out of around 30 dreams, only one was interesting/funny (3rd of Nov), its silliness/weirdness gave me inspiration too. I'm still a bit recluent about posting my dreams here, even though it's clearly a place for that kind of stuff. I have good memory when it comes to dreams that somehow inspire me (in some kind of way), but really I rely too much on that I should write all this stuff somewehere before I forget (laughs), it just doesn't feel the same on paper compared to what's in my head... how unsatisfying. |
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Oct 30, 2019 | 11:23
At art exhibition, there's a bunch of paintings but they're all blurry for some (artistic) reason. Mom is walking so fast I don't even have time to look at all of them. In the middle of the small room she whispers to me "hah they're all just like higurashi backgrounds aren't they". She wasn't wrong lol. |
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Oct 23, 2019 | 11:13
I don't remember dreaming last night, thus the chain of dreams breaks... 12 dreams in a row! Too bad they were all uninteresting, sometimes I even had multiple dreams the same night so it's more than 12. I think I was too pumped up for good musics I discovered to dream anyway (can one dream about music?). |
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Oct 18, 2019 | 11:53
Since I've been working on this website (7 days ago? wow), it's been taking 80% of what is on my mind, and I've had the funny experience of... dreaming every nights. 7 dreams in a row... it didn't happen in a looong time. The older I get the less I dream I think? The serie of dreams will probably continue, I wonder how many days it will last... Obviously, the main theme of my dreams is the website (it's like hypnospace LOL), not that I'm dreaming OF the website, i'm just thinking about it and what I should do? I believe??? It's a bit blurry. When nothing special happens I forget quite quickly. All of my dreams are like a weird indie japanese game, I think I never had a 'normal' dream once (isn't that the purpose of a dream, to not be normal?) I should use this diary to record the weird dreams I have, that could be interesting. I used to have only nightmares as a kid, now it's just plain weirdness, which is cool. Actually, old memories of those nightmares (mainly between 2010 and 2017) are 100 times more interesting, I will try to write everthing I remember one day(not in this post), but because it's personal no one will find that any intriguing... Oh well By the way, I'm born a lucid dreamer, so it wasn't that much of a problem to have so many nightmares. This is funny; I enter the dream 'oh, this is not the real world but a dream, let's explore it since i can't die anyway', even if it gets freaky I know I'll be safe, but if something that might terrorize me happens I just go 'excuse me buddy let me pinch my cheek real quick' and I wake up before having to experience any kind of pain or traumatizing imagery. Another data: I've had sleep paralysis once (or maybe twice but not as scary) when I was around 12-13yo? The worst is that I remember exactly what I saw and did |
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Oct 9, 2019 | 10:43
Usually when I concentrate very hard on what I should do when I wake up, I dream of waking up and getting myself prepared for whatever I need to do, it's kind of a reminder but instead of sticky notes it's a short dream. I've had one of those today but it was slightly weirder than usual. It's 7:15am and I'm tired, I want to sleep, my sister is making a heck of a noise. I decide I'll get up at 7:20. I concentrate very hard so my intern clock will wake me up at 7:20, as I don't want to be late for work. I fall asleep and dream that I'm in my bed, staring at my clock as I usually do (it's an electronic clock with red neons), but I hear a banging noise, like plates bumping against each other. I think 'Oh It's my mom doing the dishes' 'But It could be my sister making noise too' '...Or something else'. I wake up, it's 7:16, I hear the plates again, it's affecting my dreams, I still have time so I fall asleep again. This time in my dreams I decide to get up and see downstares, my dad isn't there (probably showering), I want to see in the kitchen what is making all this fuss, the whole house has a threatening aura and it's so dark. I feel a presence. I wake up, it's 7:18, I fall asleep. This time my vision is distorted, the red neons of my clock move like I'm seeing triple. The noise is still there, I get up, and see some strange, skinny monsters (werewolves-like?) in the darkness, I say: 'There's powerful surnatural beings here'. My vision is getting worse, but I say in the most natural way possible 'I'm Psychic too, I'll beat the crap out of them'. I walk very slowly and my door is facing west instead of north, like the monsters are challenging me or something. 'Shit, they're strong' I think. I'm awake , it's 7:20, I get up and go downstairs and there's my mom in the kitchen doing the dishes, as I thought. ...Why the heck was I saying that with such confidence. I'm not psychic at all. Maybe if I train in my dreams I'll be psychic in real life? I don't want to exorcice the monsters though, I want to befriend them and ask them questions. |
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Jun 15, 2019 | 17:19
new era for projet103 (ft. the first doodle using this tablet lol) |
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Jun 01, 2019 | 14:27
finally, a place for me to live at peace. |
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Mar 18, 2019 | 16:04
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Mar 06, 2019 | 23:07
unfortunately, it was decided that this image was too powerful and had to be scrapped from the final picture. |
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Oct 09, 2018 | 22:49 funny little guy, at last |
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Nov 26-Dec 31, 2017
esperamondo.net, featuring a village i helped building, my house (i share it with my furendo), this adorable little bastard chicken stealing a boat.
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