Jan 01, 2021 | 21:45
Were you able to fulfill your goals this year?
Frankly speaking, I always found it odd that one needs a "specific day" to start doing "specific things".
Humans lack terribly of motivation until they set up a schedule and scream "from now on if I want to be a better person I'll be doing that!", isn't it.
Not even two days after the bed seems a better place to be than working at the desk, "at least I can have a life of prosperity while it last..." hey...
It's been awful for everybody, but we're getting used to it, adaptation truly is the pinneacle of intelligence. So now, what do we do? As for me...
I wasn't able to do anything, no, I was lacking motivation, surestimating myself that I didn't feel the need to work, I would even say.
It's so pathetic, but it happens (do I need a specific day to start promising specific things? Surely).
I was never promising anything in the first place but... maybe I should...? this year I learned a bit more about myself through failures, in honesty and I'm maybe expecting too much as I'm still young,
but that would be too depressing if I cannot fulfill anything I want now that I feel "prepared".
It's not like I can push aside the pression of work, social live, even love... but when I was a kid I would read manga or play video games and think "these people must have sacrified a lot to be able to accomplish this!"
and since then I always wanted to be one of them, to create and inspire people even if I have to cast aside other important things (it sounds a little sad haha...).
Maybe I was never one of them from the very start and it was just a façade I made to make me think I'm cool or something... what's left is only: if I can find the courage to make everything to fulfill these goals this year.
If I don't? Well... I just never envisaged it, I feel very bold am I not (lol). (To be a better person is on the yearly list every year and I'm working on it endlessly (oy) )
Anyway... the rambling doesn't have to make sense... right... I allow you to laugh at me, but not for too long! I'm on my way to achieve my goals (first day is a success hehe).
Ok ok, I'm not expecting too much, and so do you (OY), but here's a little thing I tried: a few months ago I wrote a list of things I want to do daily (for exemple: sketching on paper or digitally, practice digi music or piano, more workouts or lenghty walks etc...) and a list of things I want to progressely do: being more careful about the position of my back, trying to appreciate myself more by taking care of me, stop touching my scars all the time etc...
These little victories that I achieved made the whole text a lie, I was able to fulfill some of my goals... and so do you, I'm sure of it. It may not be the big picture but I know there was some progress towards it too.
Oh but I'm greedy! I want to make one million illustrations a week and to compose masterpieces in two hours --> not happening. But I can do things I'm proud of at my rhythm, this I know I'm able. Not everybody can.
In. Any. Case. This year I want to make small projects real, and, to your surprise, be a better person in general (that should be everyone's goal!). I want to make people feel good emotions when they look at my work
in a bigger scale, I mean. So let's work harder... I need to sacrifice to make everything possible using my human willpower.
Uwaaaahhh I'm charging an energy ball for this diary's sake!!! To your honor reader!!! Happy new year!!! *explodes from too much energy ball*